A while back the pastor at my church asked an interesting question. He said, “What if you said to God, even if nothing else happens in my whole life, this is enough?”
I have been so blessed and though nothing this side of heaven will ever be perfect, I’m in a good place. I went through a tough time changing jobs and dealing with some rough depression but despite all that I did say, Yes, this is enough. I have been used by You and I’m loved by You and that’s enough.
But my God is so much bigger and so much better and wants so much more for me. I stepped out in faith when I quit my job last spring. I stepped out when I took this job. I was obedient and I was content. And just like that He called again.
During my unemployment I started volunteering with the kids at the local children’s shelter and was so blessed by them. I got busy making the transition to a new workplace and took a break but now He’s calling me back there. Someone there needs something I have to give. I don’t know where it will lead but I’m excited to have the opportunity to serve the most high God. Because what I’ve learned on this journey so far, being content with where you are is never enough for Him.
This summer has been hard. I’ve been really listless and bored. I just haven’t wanted to do anything or go anywhere. Some of it is the oppressive heat but a lot of it is me. I’m a home body. I’m not a very social person. I just prefer to stay home and watch Netflix or read. I know I need to get out more. I just haven’t had a lot of opportunities.
A recent sermon about mentors really hit me hard. Our pastor said to be living a Biblical life we need to be making disciples. We need to be mentoring someone and someone should be mentoring us. And I bristled a bit at that. Mentoring takes two. It takes someone investing time and love into you. That’s a little beyond my control. I can’t just ask someone to do that for me. It made me realize the lack of people in my life. So I started praying about it.
Last Saturday we had a women’s one-day conference at the church. At the end they announced that a woman who had just moved to the area was opening her house to women who wanted to connect. It was answered prayer. A small group met at her house the other night for fellowship and I didn’t have any anxiety about it. Usually, as soon as I sign up for something, I immediately regret it. It’s easier to just stay home and do my thing but I really felt like I needed this. And so did the other women there.
Our church is pushing these kinds of groups in homes because that’s the Biblical church. People connecting outside of church and becoming family. It is sorely needed. Our church has over a thousand people attending every Sunday and we come and go like ghosts. We want to connect with each other in a real way.
I’ve finally reached the point where I’m fed up with being a ghost. I need more people in my life. I have my family and my church fellowship group which are great, but I need more. I’m rebelling against myself. I’m rebelling against the urge to stay where I’m comfortable. My 30th birthday is coming up and I have actual plans for a celebration. That never happens. I went from having nothing to do to having a pretty full social calendar this fall.
I don’t know if taking myself on makes me a rebel with or without a cause but I do know it’s time and that God is faithful.
A couple days ago a co-worker and I met with the daughter of a client. The client is older and has lost mental capacity and cannot manage her affairs anymore. The daughter had brought us the information we needed to prepare her mother’s tax return. She explained that she has had to get a power of attorney and get permission from different banks and brokerage firms to handle her mother’s assets. After the meeting, my co-worker expressed concern over the mother losing control of her affairs. She said she couldn’t imagine not being in control of her life. I could tell this was a real fear of hers. And it got me thinking.
Control is a funny thing. We think we want it. We want to control every detail of our lives. We don’t want anyone or anything dictating what we should do or how we should live. Once we have control we feel safe, confident, everything’s going to be okay because I’m in control of my destiny. But is that really security? Does that really make us safe?
One of the biggest hang ups people have about submitting to God is control. God asks us to trust him. The word trust comes up many times in the Bible. But to truly trust God with our lives means relinquishing control, taking our hands off the wheel. This is hard for many people because we’re taught to be independent, to make our own decisions. Relying on others makes us weak. We have to take responsibility. Asking for help makes us inferior. But these are lies, lies from the enemy.
Do we need to live our lives and make decisions? Yes. Do we need to take responsibility for our actions? Of course. But grasping for control and putting undue pressure on ourselves is not the way to do it. People think giving up control makes you a slave. In fact, it’s the exact opposite. Submitting your life to God’s plan gives you freedom. The freedom to stop beating yourself up, to stop being paralyzed by indecision, to stop worrying.
So much of the time worry comes from a feeling of helplessness. There will always be situations that are beyond our control. We worry because we think we have to change it. If we can just get control of it, it’ll be better. I’m the only one who can do it. All the pressure is on me. Wouldn’t it be great if there was someone who could take that burden off you? There is. His name is Jesus. He said, “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28). Letting Him take the reins means you don’t have to have all the answers. You don’t have to do it by yourself. And there is serious freedom in that. Let Him take control of your life so you can start living it.
... the musings of a BARELY thirty-something, married, Southern librarian with a wildly inappropriate sense of humor, an inability to gauge most emotional cues, a dear best friend since ninth grade, and a stubborn, mouthy, redheaded country boy to accompany her through life.