Kim, You Mighty Warrior

“When the angel of the LORD appeared to Gideon, he said, ‘The LORD is with you, mighty warrior.'”  Judges 6:12

I am going to Taiwan on that mission trip.  Yay.  And yes, it is exciting but of course, I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t overthink it, right?

I wrote last time that I wanted them to take me for who I am.  I guess they thought I was good enough to go.  Our team consists of John, the Missions pastor at our church, Brian, who has been on many mission trips and spent two years living and doing missions in Cambodia, Jack, who has been in and out of ministry at various churches, and…me.

Me.  The girl who sits in the back of the church because it would be presumptuous to sit down front with all the staff and elders and the people who know them.  The girl who listens way more than she talks at any group or class.  The girl who comes and goes and tries to stay out of everyone’s way.  The girl who’s one step above hermit.

When God called Gideon, He called him a “mighty warrior.”  Gideon was anything but, at least in his own eyes.  But God spoke according to how He saw Gideon.  Have you noticed that God tends to call on the people who seem to be the least?  David was the youngest son, the small one, the one out tending the sheep.  And God called him to slay the giant.

So, here I am.  I feel insanely unqualified to be sent to the other side of the world to minister to people.  I don’t have a clue what I’m doing.  I don’t have any experience in missions or ministry.  I’m socially awkward, quiet, and introverted.  All I have is a willingness to try, a willingness to serve, and a fierce determination to be obedient.  That’ll have to be enough.

If God saw Gideon as a mighty warrior, maybe He sees me that way, too.

I Want You to Want Me

I may be going on a mission trip to Taiwan in April.  I don’t know yet.  I turned in an application and was then given an in-person interview with the Head of Missions.  He was very nice, very polite, but I can’t say if the interview went well or not.  I did a lot of interviewing for jobs this past summer and I found that you never can tell.

No matter how friendly the person may be, you always feel like you’re on your back foot the whole time.  Like you’re being judged no matter what.  And you are.  That’s what interviews are all about.

When they ask questions, I always get the feeling that they have an answer in mind and if you don’t get it right, they write you off then and there.  This was a little different than a job interview.  They are praying and asking God who should go on this trip so He’s in control but I still felt that there was a “right” answer.  I answered everything honestly and to the best of my ability.  I don’t know exactly what he was looking for but my answers were me.

I’m not the perfect Christian or missionary.  I don’t know everything.  I’m just me.  If they take me, I want them to take me because I’m me, not because I told them the “right” answers at an interview.  Take me because I have something to offer, because I’m unique.

If this sounds like an old refrain from me, it is.  I’m 31 years old and I’m still asking people to take me as I am, not how I “should” be.  After everything, I still want you to want me.

Corporate Accounting Is the New Public Accounting

E-mails from Management

Dear General Managers of our properties,

You are the most important people in this organization.  The Headquarters and everyone who works there exist to serve you at all levels.  You are not responsible for anything that is sent to Corporate Accounting.  They will fix any mistakes and you should not worry about them.  If something is wrong please feel free to reach out to Corporate Accounting with as nasty an email message as possible.

Dear Property Accountants,

You are the keepers of the company.  You are special!  You may make all the mistakes you like.  You are not responsible for them or anything for that matter.  Corporate Accounting’s sole purpose is to serve you and clean up all your messes.  If they have the audacity to contradict this or complain about it, you are entitled to throw a hissy fit and remind them of how many hours you work and how special and important you are to this company.

Dear Accounts Payable,

You are data entry personnel only.  You are not responsible for following up with the GMs, vendors, etc.  You are not responsible for any mistakes that waste Corporate Accounting’s time.  Likewise, you do not have to do your job until Corporate Accounting reminds you to do it.  If Corporate Accounting makes claims to the contrary, please act nonchalant and remind them at you are “data entry.”

Notice to All Employees (!High Importance!)

Management is not responsible for anything.  Please address any and all complaints to Kim Who Lives at Home in Corporate Accounting.

This might be a slight exaggeration but it’s been a rough week and somebody had to take the hit.  Happy Weekend!

Between the Lines

I’ve come to the realization that I’m not quite over what happened early in 2017 when I ended up leaving my last job.  Please indulge me.

My last performance review:

Dear Kim Who Lives at Home,

You do your job reasonably well and are now 30 years old.  However, we are still going to treat you like you are the 23 year old girl just out of college and are in no way as competent as everyone else in this firm despite evidence to the contrary.  We are informing you that you are mean, have a bad attitude, and have hurt the very delicate feelings of a very privileged co-worker.  We are oblivious to the fact that we are being manipulated by an over-grown teenager.  Also, we in no way acknowledge all the hard work and dedication you have shown over the years and have saved your performance review to the end to emphasize the fact that you suck.

Sincerely,

Management

My resignation letter:

Dear Management,

I hereby tender my resignation in response to my unfair and insulting performance review of a few weeks ago.  I want to let you know that I put up with targeted bullying from your office manager for over seven years and was repeatedly ignored while you condoned her behavior.  In addition, you gave preferential treatment to every employee besides myself by shunting work onto me and making unreasonable demands of me.  I also endured a year where you hired someone to replace me and then left me to train her on work I should have been trained properly on myself.  You then lied to me a few weeks ago when I confronted you about this past situation.  It is for the aforementioned reasons that I am seeking employment elsewhere.  I will make a special effort to roll over my 401K as quickly as possible so that your wealth care department will not benefit from the management fees it incurs.

Sincerely,

Kim Who Lives at Home

I know, I know, I’m harboring a wee bit of resentment.  I’m trying, okay?  But Rome wasn’t built…yeah, you know how it goes.

Never Enough

A while back the pastor at my church asked an interesting question.  He said, “What if you said to God, even if nothing else happens in my whole life, this is enough?”

I have been so blessed and though nothing this side of heaven will ever be perfect, I’m in a good place.  I went through a tough time changing jobs and dealing with some rough depression but despite all that I did say, Yes, this is enough.  I have been used by You and I’m loved by You and that’s enough.

But my God is so much bigger and so much better and wants so much more for me.  I stepped out in faith when I quit my job last spring.  I stepped out when I took this job.  I was obedient and I was content.  And just like that He called again.

During my unemployment I started volunteering with the kids at the local children’s shelter and was so blessed by them.  I got busy making the transition to a new workplace and took a break but now He’s calling me back there.  Someone there needs something I have to give.  I don’t know where it will lead but I’m excited to have the opportunity to serve the most high God.  Because what I’ve learned on this journey so far, being content with where you are is never enough for Him.

Corporate Sellout

Remember when I said I was quitting my job to be a writer?  Well, turns out that idleness doesn’t suit me.  And I’m not the most self-motivated.  (I haven’t written for this blog in…well, let’s not talk about it.)  So I’m back in accounting but this time in the corporate world.

It’s somewhat different from public accounting and it’s challenging, but I like it.  It’s a great place to work.  We develop and manage hotels which means I get discounts all over the country.  Pretty nice perk.  Nothing’s perfect but here’s some high points.

  1. I park in a garage.  I was a little leery at first because we all know parking garages can be dangerous but it seems okay.  And the best part is you don’t have to wrestle your umbrella into the car when it’s raining.
  2. There’s good security.  You have to have a security badge to make the elevator go up to the fourth floor.  With all the shootings on the news, it makes me feel good that they take our safety seriously.
  3. The bathroom is fancy.  I mean, listen, each stall is it’s own little room.  It’s always spotless and there’s always enough TP.  It matters to me considering where I came from you couldn’t tell if the toilets were even swished at night.  But anyway…
  4. There’s a gym.  Not that I frequent it but still it’s there if I suddenly become athletically inclined.  It would be a good excuse to go shopping though.

Like I said, nothing’s perfect and there are definitely cons but I know this is where God wants me because no matter how frustrated I get or how hard it is to adapt to a new environment and new people, I’m just so happy I’m not where I was before.  Change is hard, but change is good.  And at the end of the day, every day, I know that change is exactly what I needed.

Less Talkie, More Dancie

You know what?  I wish someone would remake Dirty Dancing and explain every plot point in excruciating detail and add a whole bunch of unnecessary info about Mr. and Mrs. Houseman.  Oh, wait.

Yeah, so, if you watched the ABC remake, you know what I’m talking about.  And if you didn’t, don’t.

Oh, M. goodness.  For reals, y’all, I couldn’t believe the amount of talking that went on in that movie.  It was so boring and I think we saw way more of Mrs. Houseman than we did of Johnny.  Colt Prattes was beyond uncharismatic as Johnny and Abigail Breslin as Baby looked like she was 12.  There was ZERO chemistry between them.

Baby is well-read and a feminist and she gets her sister to read and…ZZZ.  Mrs. Houseman is a neglected housewife and they’re getting a divorce and…ZZZ.  Lisa is really awesome and doesn’t resent her sister and wants to have a relationship with the rapey waiter AND the black guy and…ZZZ.  And wait, wait, wait. Baby and Johnny DON’T end up together?!  She has to go see him on Broadway and reminisce about their summer of love?  Sigh.

And to top it all off, there was a serious lack of choreography.  I mean, not only do you have Johnny and Baby singing at the end, they don’t dance at all!  The only decent dance number was in the staff house toward the beginning and that was the rest of the cast.  The “stars” could not dance.  At all.

The best thing was Baby sitting in the corner reading The Bell Jar, because she’s, you know, sad and stuff.  Ha!

This was a complete disaster of a remake.  If you haven’t seen the original Dirty Dancing, I suggest you watch it immediately.  I promise it’s amazing.  Insert a “time of your life” joke here.