This summer has been hard. I’ve been really listless and bored. I just haven’t wanted to do anything or go anywhere. Some of it is the oppressive heat but a lot of it is me. I’m a home body. I’m not a very social person. I just prefer to stay home and watch Netflix or read. I know I need to get out more. I just haven’t had a lot of opportunities.
A recent sermon about mentors really hit me hard. Our pastor said to be living a Biblical life we need to be making disciples. We need to be mentoring someone and someone should be mentoring us. And I bristled a bit at that. Mentoring takes two. It takes someone investing time and love into you. That’s a little beyond my control. I can’t just ask someone to do that for me. It made me realize the lack of people in my life. So I started praying about it.
Last Saturday we had a women’s one-day conference at the church. At the end they announced that a woman who had just moved to the area was opening her house to women who wanted to connect. It was answered prayer. A small group met at her house the other night for fellowship and I didn’t have any anxiety about it. Usually, as soon as I sign up for something, I immediately regret it. It’s easier to just stay home and do my thing but I really felt like I needed this. And so did the other women there.
Our church is pushing these kinds of groups in homes because that’s the Biblical church. People connecting outside of church and becoming family. It is sorely needed. Our church has over a thousand people attending every Sunday and we come and go like ghosts. We want to connect with each other in a real way.
I’ve finally reached the point where I’m fed up with being a ghost. I need more people in my life. I have my family and my church fellowship group which are great, but I need more. I’m rebelling against myself. I’m rebelling against the urge to stay where I’m comfortable. My 30th birthday is coming up and I have actual plans for a celebration. That never happens. I went from having nothing to do to having a pretty full social calendar this fall.
I don’t know if taking myself on makes me a rebel with or without a cause but I do know it’s time and that God is faithful.
Kimberly Filkins 
[…] So far this year, I’ve written about the horrors of tax season (that’s not an exaggeration), my dog’s untimely death (seriously, why?), my teenage self vs my current self (like looking in a mirror), being persecuted for following my own path (probably paranoia, but you know what they say about that), turning 30 unmarried (and thinking about it way more than is healthy), and my crushing loneliness and restlessness. […]