Author Archives: Kimberly Filkins

Writing About Nothing

I think there’s something to be said for writing about the fact that you have nothing to write about. At least you’re writing something, am I right? Even if it’s nothing. Does that make any sense?

For the last few days I have been so lethargic and unproductive and it’s making me moody and whiny. I’m still going to work and doing my job but that’s all I’m doing. I haven’t written anything for this blog and I haven’t cleaned my toilet or changed my sheets even though I probably should have done those things a week ago. The only thing productive I’ve done is successfully watch the second season of Orange is the New Black. (That’s totally important!)

Possible explanations for my condition include but are not limited to:

1. Summer laziness ingrained from the school schedule.

2. Actual permanent laziness.

3. Ovulation. (No, seriously, guys. It’s the middle of my cycle and I always know when it’s coming because I get really pissed off at everything. But I’m too tired to be pissed so maybe it’s not my baby factory.)

4. Lack of sleep.

5. Lack of a life.

Gotta say my money is on #5. The last thing I did was go see the Jersey Boys movie with my parents. I had to pee halfway through but in a room full of retirees I was not going to be the one to get up and go to the bathroom. I’m glad that I’m not super busy at work during the summer because we go through hell all winter but it just highlights that I don’t have a lot going on. And of course this is the time the church takes a break from everything so there aren’t any small groups going on. I really enjoyed the last one. Probably because it made me feel a little more like a member of society and a little less like a hermit.

And then I swing the other way and say that I should just enjoy this quiet time when I don’t have to satisfy the needs of a boyfriend or change diapers or decide if Junior can squeeze in one more activity. I’ve got time. And it’s all on God’s time anyway, am I right?

Why I’m an Accountant

Not because it’s fun. I’ll just put that right out there. I’ve already ranted at length about how the job can suck. So, why, you might ask, do I continue?

Because God told me to. Yep, I said it. That’s the real, truthful answer. I’m an accountant because God wanted me to be. Now, I had no idea about this until just a few months ago. For the last 27 years, God has been preparing me to do this job at this firm. And I had no freaking clue.

Let’s start with college. I worked hard and got the scholarships and got into the good school. I was a smart kid and I thought I had my pick of majors. The trick was finding out what I wanted to do because I could do anything. I was that awesome. That lasted about six weeks. C is for Chemistry in more ways than one, y’all. I didn’t know what to do next so I just kept going with the gen ed. When it came time to declare a major I decided on accounting because it just didn’t suck as much as everything else and I didn’t seem to suck at it.

So I took the courses and got the degree. I also did an internship for two summers. It was really temp work, but I was getting paid so I wasn’t about to complain. Then there was grad school. It was sooooo important that I go to grad school and get the CPA. I’ve explained this part of the story but I’ll reiterate that I was being told CPA or die. So I went. For two months. I came home and immediately got a job as an accountant (not a temp) at the exact firm I had “interned” with. If that’s not divine planning, I don’t know what is.

I realized pretty quickly that flunking out of grad school was not a failure. Far from it actually. It was a huge learning experience. And while I may have had an inkling that it wasn’t the right path for me, I believe God took me there to show me my path. I was having second thoughts just before I left but it was way too late to turn back. I had to go and see and fail. It wasn’t being disobedient to God. I needed that experience. And God’s timing is always perfect. If I had decided in August not to go and asked for a job at my firm, there wouldn’t have been one. They had just fired someone not long before I called to tell them I was leaving grad school and could I please have my temp job back while I look for a real job. That’s how I know I wasn’t disobeying. I was exactly where He wanted me. Sometimes God wants you to make the mistake.

I’ve been on this job for four years and it hasn’t been easy. There have been a lot of low points but God has kept me here because I’m doing something for Him. And if I might be so bold, I think God trusts me to do His work here. God has been leading me to this place for a lot longer than I knew.

When asked formally why I became an accountant, I’d give some BS answer about wanting to provide an important service to people. Little did I know I was actually doing service for something so much greater.

It Wasn’t Love at First Sight

I’m not a big believer in love at first sight when it comes to humans. I think you need to get to know someone before you can fall in love with them. Dogs, on the other hand, you can love at first contact. I’ve had dogs I immediately loved, like Bowser and Lily. Patti was a different case.

I first met Patti at the breeder’s. I saw her from a distance in a small fence with two other Westies that looked exactly like her. The breeder let them out and they ran all around us. I didn’t know which one to pick because they all seemed the same. I eventually picked one and after the paperwork was done and the money (which I had saved over four years) was exchanged, we headed for home. I finally had my very own dog.

Don’t get me wrong, Patti was an adorable puppy. She was just mean as hell. If you tried to play with her she would bite your hands instead of the toy. If you came into her gated off area she would bite your ankles. She didn’t want to be picked up. I tried to do the crate training and she wouldn’t sleep. I eventually ended up using my room as her “crate.” She would sleep on the bottom shelf of my night stand. Don’t know why but she liked it. She was by far the most stubborn dog I had ever come in contact with.

Patti was the first dog I ever took to obedience classes. I now say that I didn’t train Patti so much as break her. Establishing my dominance was challenging to say the least. I put in a lot of work training her and it definitely paid off. She’s trained to go outside and to go on puppy pads since she had to stay home by herself all day. She’s a smart dog and understands a myriad of words and commands. She still has her days when she doesn’t want to obey them though.

It took me awhile to love Patti. I was scared there in the beginning that she might be a biter and we’d have to get rid of her but she came around. It wasn’t until she was about two years old that I really started to love her. And it wasn’t just her. I had to come to terms with the fact that she’s not like the other dogs we’ve had. She has her independent streak and doesn’t want to sleep in the bed. I had to learn to love her for who she is and not what I thought she should be.

Now, I can’t imagine not having her around. She loves to sit with me on the swing on warm days and go for rides in the car. I love seeing her little face when I open the door at the end of the day and I love giving her a biscuit in the morning. I love watching her jump up and catch a tennis ball in mid-air and she loves doing it.

It’s been four years since the day we met and it’s been four years of frustration, joy, anger, and cuddles. We may not be a story of love at first sight, Patti and me, but we are a love story nonetheless.

I’m a Bad Millennial

There are so many articles about Millennials and how they have their phones glued to their hands and constantly post statuses and pictures on Facebook and spend way too much time on the internet or playing games on their phones. That made me realize I must be bad at this whole Millennial thing. I don’t take very many pictures (never of meals) and I hardly ever post a status on Facebook. I leave my phone in the other room and only get the text later. Oops. I actually only got a smart phone last year. I only browse Facebook when I’m really bored. They’re gonna take my Millennial card away!

What to do? I guess I should start playing all the games you can get on your phone, take pictures of everything I see, text every contact I have 50+ times per day, and post to Facebook every time I eat or go to the store or my dog does something cute. Because it’s all about me, you know?

Even though these behaviors aren’t limited to the Millennial generation (don’t even get me started on that), it seems to be more prevalent. I’m expected to act that way and since I don’t I guess I’m a little odd. Don’t get me wrong, I love technology. The internet is the greatest thing ever. Ever, y’all. But I also like to watch some TV, read a book, play with my dog, have a conversation with someone face to face, or even over the phone. It’s nice that Facebook has made it possible to keep up with people from your past but some people take it to a ridiculous level. I enjoy articles that my friends share but I really don’t need to see pictures of your food. And I don’t see the point of Twitter at all. But I guess it makes sense. People were already self-absorbed before all this stuff that makes it seem like everyone cares about everything you do.

It’s now gotten to the point that I’m seeing numerous articles that implore people to put down the devices and actually live. That makes me sad. I guess I should consider myself lucky that I haven’t become a slave to my phone because it looks like a lot of people have. People have commented that they have to actively wean themselves off the device. That’s actually a little scary. So maybe I’m not a bad Millennial after all. Maybe I’m just a person who has better ways to spend her time.

Blogging is Totally Like Psychology Class

I just made a mind-blowing connection. Writing blog posts is so much like writing reflections in my high school psychology class. Okay, it’s not that mind-blowing but I did just realize it. I’m pretty sure Coach R wasn’t trying to teach us about blogging because, let’s face it, Coach was already in his sixties and this was 2005. I was hardly even aware of blogging myself at the time. We wrote these “reflections” to share with the class. It was supposed to just be your observations or things you’re thinking about, which is what most blogging is when you get down to it. At least that’s what my blog is.

Coach R is one of my all-time favorite teachers. I took AP American History, AP European History, and Psychology with him. He was a round, not-too-tall guy with silver hair and a matching mustache. I usually despise the “lone stache,” but Coach pulled it off. He loved teaching so much he came out of retirement to take a position at my high school. He wasn’t your normal history teacher. He did the lectures and the tests and tried to prepare us for the AP exams, but he did a lot more than that. I learned more about history listening to Coach’s stories about growing up on a Southern mill hill in the 50’s and 60’s than a lecture about the Roman Empire. He told us about being a kid and getting electricity for the first time in his grandmother’s mill house. He talked about the bawdy women who did snuff and spit it all over the floor of the mill. He reminisced about hanging soda cans in a mesh bag out the window of his dorm room in the winter because they didn’t have mini-fridges. He told us where he was when he heard the news of Martin Luther King’s assassination.

Coach was a banjo player in a local bluegrass band and the last full class before exams in December and May, he would bring his instruments and spend the time playing us songs and teaching us about the instruments. How many kids learn about the cultural history of the dulcimer in their AP History classes?

I had many great teachers and learned some awesome life lessons from them. I learned that the real lessons are the ones you find outside the curriculum. I learned not to take myself too seriously from Mr. C, my drama teacher. I learned to share my creativity from Mr. H, my Computer Tech teacher. I learned how to manage stress from Ms. K, my AP English teacher. I learned there are compassionate people in the world from the other Coach R, my Physics teacher.

And, even though he could only type with his index fingers, I learned blogging from Coach R. That man who loved teaching but loved learning, observing, and reflecting even more. And taught some of us to love it too.

Netflix Must Think I’m the Biggest Nerd

After watching the PBS series Shakespeare Uncovered, I got interested in watching some Shakespeare plays. The newest productions are four history plays, Richard II, Henry IV Parts 1 & 2, and Henry V, collectively known as the PBS series, The Hollow Crown. I missed Richard II when it aired on PBS so I put the series on my Netflix queue. The day before it came out.

Yes, I am that girl.

I can just imagine the person who stuffed that envelope thinking, “Nerd. Who’s she trying to impress?” But I think I saved my street cred by taking the rest of them off my queue. Not because I didn’t enjoy Richard II (it’s great by the way), but because I recorded the others on PBS. Now Netflix thinks I’m just another joe schmo who thought she could handle Shakespeare and failed. So I enjoyed my Shakespeare history plays in peaceful anonymity.

Full disclosure: The fact that Tom Hiddleston was heavily featured in three out of the four plays was a factor in my decision to sit through eight hours of Shakespeare. But I really did like them. Henry V was awesome and I’d totally watch it again. And as a bonus, I’ve gotten two Jeopardy clues right about the Battle of Agincourt, which I wouldn’t have if not for Henry V. Okay, street cred destroyed.

The New Accounting Equation

Tax Season + Upper Respiratory Virus = Misery

Seriously, this is the worst.  It’s a week before the 1099 and W-2 deadline and I’m laid up with the 21st century’s version of the Plague.  I may be exaggerating but when you’re lying in bed choking on the phlegm you just hacked out of your bronchial tubes you think, “The Black Death must have been something like this.” 

And missing two days at this time of January just makes it even worse.  I do all of our client’s 1099s.  That’s a lot of 1099s.  It’s time consuming.  And it’s frustrating because obviously nobody knows what the hell a 1099 is.  The 1099 is the red-headed step child of tax forms.  No one knows how to prepare them or how to report them on a tax return.  And no one cares.  They just throw their entire Quickbooks or Peachtree file at me and expect me to figure it out.  Or if you’re the worst client ever, you hand me a year’s worth of transactions in check registers and expect me to enter all that stuff and then figure out if you bought supplies or services from these places.  And when I tell someone (for the second time, might I add) that you do have to give 1099s to businesses that aren’t incorporated, they say “Really?!”  No.  I’m just joshing ya.  Yes, really!

Hopefully, the Consumption will subside by Monday so I can work my ass off pushing these damn things out by the end of the week.  And, friends, if you have someone who prepares 1099s for you, please be kind to that person.  Take it from me, it’s a hard and thankless job.

New Year’s Resolutions!!! Woooo!!!

Week 1:  I’m going to workout everyday, do yoga everyday, eat right everyday, keep my stress level down, go to church every week.  This.  Is.  Awesome.  I’m really going to do it this year.  Go me!!

Week 2:  Okay, week one wasn’t perfect, but you’ll make up for it this week.  Church?  Check.  Whole grains?  Check.  Those cookies were whole grain, right?  Workout?  Check.  Yoga?  Check.  Didn’t yell at deadbeat client.  That’s a check.

Week 3:  We can do better this week.  Church?  Check.  Yoga?  Does falling asleep while deep breathing count?  Workout?  Half check.  Ice cream has milk, so check.  Don’t I have a stress ball around here?

Week 4:  Okay, okay, okay, back on track.  Church?  Check.  Yoga?  Check.  Workout?  I threw my back out getting a box out of the archive because that stupid guy just had to have that info from three years ago and that box just had to be on the top shelf and now I have to go to the chiropractor.  Stress level?  Don’t ask.

Week 5:  Church?  No.  Too exhausted.  Bad Christian.  Will try to be better.  Yoga?  Who has time for that?  Workout?  No.  Back still too sore.  Stress level?  Cried in the bathroom at work.  Food?  Burger King.

Week 6:  Screw it.

Happy New Year everybody!!!

I Need Caffeine (and Other Things That Make Me Feel Old)

I always prided myself on the fact that I could wake up in the morning and not have to use a substance to get my day started.  Not anymore.  I’ve been so tired in the mornings that I can barely function, so I finally gave in and started taking caffeine pills in the morning.  I’ve been much more productive but it really sucks.  I’m 27 and here I am sucking down caffeine just to feel normal.  Where did all my energy go?  I guess I’m just getting old.

I have high cholesterol.  It runs in the family so I figured I would get it someday but I thought I’d get at least 10 more years before I had to worry about it.  I’m in my mid-twenties, I eat a low cholesterol diet anyway, and I’m not overweight and yet I have a Lipitor prescription.

There are players in the NFL that are younger than me.  For some reason, that really makes me feel old.  I guess it’s because as a kid, NFL players seemed like the real adults.  They’re out on the grid iron knocking each other around and they’re so freaking big.  Now I see these 22-year-old kids out there and they look like they’re 12.  Crazy.  It isn’t just the NFL either.  It’s all professional sports, the Olympics, and the military.  When did I get so old?

I have a chiropractor.  I always associated back pain with middle age and yet I manage to wrench my back on a somewhat regular basis.  I should be spending my money on alcohol, not chiropractor visits, right?

My high school friends have babies.  These people are stuck in time to me.  I remember them as they were in school.  We were kids together so it’s strange to see their Facebook photos with their own kids and spouses.  I’m like, “She’s too young to have a kid!”  And then, “Oh, yeah, she’s in her mid-twenties, too.  Whoops.”

I find myself thinking things like, “Kids these days.”  Like I’m an old geezer in the porch rocker talking about the good old days.  You don’t realize how quickly things change until you grow up and look at the things kids are watching and reading and listening to.  I’m at the upper end of Millennial so I’m one of the last kids who spent any part of their childhood without the internet, cell phones, or cable TV.  Older people will say things like, “I bet you don’t even remember a world without smart phones.”  And I’m like, “No, actually, I’m old.”

Dear Bookcaps

I want that hour of my life back.  That’s right, the hour I spent reading The Fantastic Mr. Anderson.  I bought this little biography of one of my favorite directors, Wes Anderson,  hoping it would give me some insight into his career and influences.  I was sorely disappointed.  I believe the review I posted on Amazon pretty much sums up my feelings on the subject.

“This book is truly awful. If you want a well-researched, well-written biography this is not the one to get.  It’s filled with typos, misspellings, and terrible sentence structure. It looked like a first draft.  Seriously, how did this get published? The bibliography consists of IMDB, Wikipedia, and Youtube.  If you’ve seen the films, this book doesn’t tell you anything you didn’t already know.  And if you haven’t, I wouldn’t trust this book as it lists Olivia Wilde as having played Ms. Cross in Rushmore.  It was actually Olivia Williams.  And Bill Murray did not play Henry in The Royal Tenenbaums. He played Margot’s husband, Raleigh St. Clair.  My advice, steer clear of this one.”

And that’s being kind.  You claim to be writing these books to help people learn about little-known subjects.  I fail to see how this helps anyone.  I imagine the Wikipedia pages are better written than this book.  It astounds me that it was even published in that condition.  A simple proofread would have made a world of difference.  Not to mention actual editing.  Obviously, that never crossed your mind.  I’m also shocked that you had the nerve to charge money for it.  Now that I think about it, I want my three dollars back too.

 Sincerely,

Kim

Seriously, what is going on with publishing these days?  Obviously, the internet has made it possible for anyone to publish whatever they write, whether it’s good or not.  That’s not a bad thing.  But when you are being paid to write, I expect something more.  And that goes for news organizations and entertainment magazines as well.  I have read articles about one of my favorite bands where the info is just plain wrong.  Things like ages and when and where things took place.  A quick trip to the Wiki would have cleared that right up.  But this professional writer (professional, y’all) just couldn’t be bothered.  If the facts about my favorite band were wrong, how can I trust the things printed about someone I’m unfamiliar with?

And don’t even get me started on proofreading.  It is sad the state of news articles online.  They are riddled with typos, bad diction, and awkward sentence structure.  Do these people have Journalism degrees?  If so, did any of their classes actually require them to learn to write?  I really think it comes back to laziness.  It’s five minutes out of your life to read over what you just wrote and clean up the typos but that’s just too much to ask.  It must not matter to your boss either since it got published that way.

Okay, rant over.  But come on, man.  If you’re going to write, please have some respect for the art and do it justice.