I Need Caffeine (and Other Things That Make Me Feel Old)

I always prided myself on the fact that I could wake up in the morning and not have to use a substance to get my day started.  Not anymore.  I’ve been so tired in the mornings that I can barely function, so I finally gave in and started taking caffeine pills in the morning.  I’ve been much more productive but it really sucks.  I’m 27 and here I am sucking down caffeine just to feel normal.  Where did all my energy go?  I guess I’m just getting old.

I have high cholesterol.  It runs in the family so I figured I would get it someday but I thought I’d get at least 10 more years before I had to worry about it.  I’m in my mid-twenties, I eat a low cholesterol diet anyway, and I’m not overweight and yet I have a Lipitor prescription.

There are players in the NFL that are younger than me.  For some reason, that really makes me feel old.  I guess it’s because as a kid, NFL players seemed like the real adults.  They’re out on the grid iron knocking each other around and they’re so freaking big.  Now I see these 22-year-old kids out there and they look like they’re 12.  Crazy.  It isn’t just the NFL either.  It’s all professional sports, the Olympics, and the military.  When did I get so old?

I have a chiropractor.  I always associated back pain with middle age and yet I manage to wrench my back on a somewhat regular basis.  I should be spending my money on alcohol, not chiropractor visits, right?

My high school friends have babies.  These people are stuck in time to me.  I remember them as they were in school.  We were kids together so it’s strange to see their Facebook photos with their own kids and spouses.  I’m like, “She’s too young to have a kid!”  And then, “Oh, yeah, she’s in her mid-twenties, too.  Whoops.”

I find myself thinking things like, “Kids these days.”  Like I’m an old geezer in the porch rocker talking about the good old days.  You don’t realize how quickly things change until you grow up and look at the things kids are watching and reading and listening to.  I’m at the upper end of Millennial so I’m one of the last kids who spent any part of their childhood without the internet, cell phones, or cable TV.  Older people will say things like, “I bet you don’t even remember a world without smart phones.”  And I’m like, “No, actually, I’m old.”