That pretty much sums up my week. It has not been the best week ever to say the least. My sinus problems started on Memorial Day and really didn’t let up until yesterday. I’ve been moody and irritable for over a week and that doesn’t show signs of stopping. Seriously, it’s like everything I touch this week turns to crap. Even though things have been really slow at work and I’ve had an almost unbearable amount of downtime, this week has been really stressful. It stems from knowing how many returns are on extension and how many have fiscal year ends and how all of them are going to be due at the same time in September and October and I’m sitting around waiting. So much could have gotten done this week if only clients had brought the information in. Take all that, a dash of paranoia, and throw in one heart-stopping, narrowly-avoided direct deposit disaster and you have one sucky week. Ta-da!

Paranoia did you say? Why, yes I did. I have this strange sense that everyone is out to get me, that there are horrors lurking around every office corner, horrors that are going to make this job even more difficult. That’s probably because that actually happened last year. More than once. Surprise! We bought out the CPA across the street and here’s more work for everybody! Surprise! We bought out the CPA next door and here’s more work for everybody! Surprise! We’re switching everything over to a ridiculous new program that has nothing to do with anything for no reason! If you recall, that last one never actually came to fruition because we mounted a rebellion and got it stopped. Or at least put off. I’m paranoid that that particular problem will rear its ugly head again. There’s no telling what could be brewing behind the scenes. I’ve actually been given permission to divvy up the 1099 clients between all the staff accountants so I won’t be responsible for 210 in 30 days like I was this past January. I can already tell you that’s not going to go over well. Turns out I’m the one lurking behind the curtain ready to jump out and say “Surprise! You have to do more work in January!”

After everything I’ve been through in the last several months, I just want a rest. I’ve been making the most of my vacation days and weekends but when I’m at the office I can’t seem to shake a sense of foreboding. I know I put too much pressure on myself and that’s the root of the problem. It’s a fear of failure, of being seen as inferior, not good enough. This job has not been great in the building self-esteem department but that’s another story. What it has taught me is to trust God and obey Him no matter how hard that might be and to stand up for myself and for the truth when the chips are down. I know God led me to this job and no matter how I feel or what they throw at me I’ll keep fighting because in the end, it’s for Him and no one else.

“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.” Philippians 3:12 (NIV)