Why am I different? Why do I always have to be the odd man out? Why am I on a different path from everybody else?
Of course why is irrelevant. I’ve already talked about that. But I seem to always end up on a different road. And sometimes that’s uncomfortable.
It’s so much easier to be seen doing the things God calls you to do. When your calling matches up with what church folks expect, it’s pretty easy. You get to talk about it and share it with the people around you. You don’t get funny looks or the “What are you doing for God?” kind of questions. It’s so much harder when you’re the one God called to abide. Harder when you’re called to a solitary activity.
I’ve been hearing a lot of noise around me lately. Noise about what everybody’s calling is and what they’re doing. My church preaches relationship and obedience to God. No matter what that looks like. And yet when you know you’re being obedient, people still expect you to be something else. In my church lately it’s been all about creating extended family through home group fellowship and study, becoming a prayer servant who prays for healing, and hearing the Father’s voice and giving prophecy to others. These are all great things and I’m so happy that there are so many people participating and building family and reaching out to the community. It’s awesome. But I do not feel called to any of that at this time. In fact, the Father has been quiet lately. And that’s okay.
And yet, I have all this static around me saying that it’s not “acceptable,” not good enough. Everybody’s got all these stories, experiences, words, and they feel they have to share every one of them. And me? I don’t have anything to share because what God has for me right now is intensely private and quite frankly, no one’s business. What right does anyone have to tell me that’s not good enough?
I feel like obedience is being lost in a sea of goals. Life isn’t a video game. Gifts of the Spirit are not levels to be beaten. Your growth should never be measured against anyone else’s journey. You are where the Father wants you. Turn your eyes to Him, not to your friends or the church leadership. Don’t join something just because your friends think you should. Don’t do something just because the leaders preach it from the pulpit. It may not be for you at this time. And if that makes you different, then so be it.
Make obedience your goal. It’s about Him. It’s not about them.
“He replied, ‘Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it.’” Luke 11:28 (NIV)
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