Frenemies

Frenemy is not a new term but it’s a new concept in my life.  I’ve always been a person who has friends and acquaintances and if you don’t fall into one of those categories you are either a complete stranger or you are an enemy.  That’s how I handled all my relationships throughout school.  As soon as you pissed me off, we were done.  I would just politely and coldly wait until you were out of my life and then you would just be dead to me.  But as I move into other stages of my life, I’m finding that waiting someone out isn’t always an option. 

So, I’ve found myself developing frenemy relationships.  Now, Wikipedia defines frenemy as an enemy pretending to be your friend or an actual friend who happens to be a rival.  But I would add another definition.  A frenemy can also be a person who thoughtlessly hurts you and pisses you off but just goes about everything as if nothing is wrong and you still have friendly relations with this person.  I’ve found that this is the only way to keep yourself from going insane.  When it’s impossible to cut these people out of your life and telling them what you really think of them wouldn’t accomplish anything, it’s better to just accept it and move forward.  It does feel pretty strange when you’re having a pleasant conversation with someone who just did something really shitty to you, though.  I keep thinking, “Shouldn’t I be cold and distant with this person?  Letting them know that they have lost my respect and friendship?”  And really the answer is no.  I have to coexist with this person so I might as well make the best of it.  Now, I don’t extend the frenemy relationship to everyone.  There are some people who don’t deserve even that consideration and they are still on my enemy list but some just aren’t worth the effort.  It doesn’t change what they’ve done, but sometimes it’s easier to just get along with them. 

Is that maturity or stupidity?  Am I setting myself up to become a doormat to this person?  Or am I taking the proverbial high road?  For now, it doesn’t matter.  I let the little things go and keep an eye out for anything that might need to be dealt with head on.  Bottom line is, I know when I’m being taken advantage of but I also know when to turn down the steam and let it ride.  Life’s just too damn short.

One comment on “Frenemies

  1. Colleen says:

    Sounds mature to me.

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