Corporate Accounting Is the New Public Accounting

E-mails from Management

Dear General Managers of our properties,

You are the most important people in this organization.  The Headquarters and everyone who works there exist to serve you at all levels.  You are not responsible for anything that is sent to Corporate Accounting.  They will fix any mistakes and you should not worry about them.  If something is wrong please feel free to reach out to Corporate Accounting with as nasty an email message as possible.

Dear Property Accountants,

You are the keepers of the company.  You are special!  You may make all the mistakes you like.  You are not responsible for them or anything for that matter.  Corporate Accounting’s sole purpose is to serve you and clean up all your messes.  If they have the audacity to contradict this or complain about it, you are entitled to throw a hissy fit and remind them of how many hours you work and how special and important you are to this company.

Dear Accounts Payable,

You are data entry personnel only.  You are not responsible for following up with the GMs, vendors, etc.  You are not responsible for any mistakes that waste Corporate Accounting’s time.  Likewise, you do not have to do your job until Corporate Accounting reminds you to do it.  If Corporate Accounting makes claims to the contrary, please act nonchalant and remind them at you are “data entry.”

Notice to All Employees (!High Importance!)

Management is not responsible for anything.  Please address any and all complaints to Kim Who Lives at Home in Corporate Accounting.

This might be a slight exaggeration but it’s been a rough week and somebody had to take the hit.  Happy Weekend!

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