You may be thinking “There are people who don’t say ‘fuck’?” The answer is sadly yes. I don’t get it either but apparently some people claim they never say cuss words. They of course say the cutesy, “clean” versions of these words because they aren’t crass like me apparently. Granted, there’s a time and a place for fuck. I’m not advocating that you say it around your children or your boss but two consenting adults should be able to stand in a room and say the word without judgment. I’m sure you’ve been there. That holier-than-thou person who looks down his or her nose at you because you just said, “What the fuck, man?” in response to life’s increasingly baffling questions. (An entirely appropriate response by the way.) You then address that same question to the look on said person’s face and receive a sneering version of this statement, “I don’t say those words and I would appreciate it if you didn’t say them around me.” To which you say, “Well, fuck you then” and walk out or you say and do something much more respectful that gets the same message across. I don’t know what that something would be as my response is usually the former.
The reason I don’t trust people like that is because they are disingenuous if not outright liars. Everybody engages in inappropriate language at some point. You may try to keep it to a minimum, which is fine. Who am I to tell you how to live your life? But trying to convince people you never even say ass or damn is a bit over the top. And who made you the language police? How about if I ask you to stop wearing that hair style that makes you look like Helena Bonham Carter in my presence? I think I’d be doing everyone a favor but I don’t because that’s fucking rude.
I will defend my colorful vocabulary because using “inappropriate” language is entirely appropriate when one is outraged or hurt or just really fucking over-the-moon about something. It’s the best way I’ve found to express those extreme feelings. The bad as well as the good. The people who think you’re the devil for using those words around their delicate sensibilities are the same people who complain about being stressed all the time. You want a stress reliever? You don’t need any yoga or smelly candles or deep breathing techniques. You just need to come down off your fucking high horse and say fuck once in a while.
Come on everybody, all together now…1…2…3…FUCK! Now don’t you feel better?